I thought there was. An easy button I mean. Right, life should just be easy? Ok, and fun? My life is better than your vacation... (I could keep going)
Well, life loves to freak out a little bit on me at times. That's what happened when I retired. I had a colorful mess happening to me. It was an in "the trenches" part of my life that all women seem to go through at one point or another. Head down, do the job ~ mother, daughter, teacher, wife, friend ~ one foot in front of another.
Cut to the chase about my year before retiring
1 son graduating and prepping for University
Other son training for and being accepted to an elite mogul freestyle team
Said son's training and competitions year round and located hours and 100's of km away
Said son's schoolwork is adapted and readjusted to meet his demanding schedule (I think it's a good thing I'm a teacher. My son thinks it sucks that I'm a teacher)
Husband owns and operates a business. Two ships passing in the night
I love my job
I love my family more
I love my students
I was beginning to love coaching my staff more
What really cemented the decision for me to retire was when I drove 12 hours on Saturday to deliver that one beautiful son of mine to his first mogul training camp, and then drove 12 hours back home on Sunday to go to work Monday morning (lots of Howard Stern on that drive home).
I couldn't keep this up. But I needed a plan. So I called a life coach.
I wanted to know what it looked like, sounded like. Because maybe this could be for me. By the end of the call I was sobbing. No pretty cry here. Things like, "I'm sorry. I' don't know why I'm crying. Give me a minute." were blurting out of my mouth. After that call, I was calm. I knew I was going to take a leap of faith into the unknown, and that was ok.
But wait. It doesn't end there!
Jump to my year after retiring
Entered a 2 year Coaching program
Had a hysterectomy
Delivered my 1 son to University 3 hours away
Delivered my other son everywhere across the country and globe
Cared for my mother who was diagnosed with cancer
Said goodbye to my mother who then died from cancer
Husband? God bless him. Two ships passing in the night
Whew. There it is. I'm gonna be honest, on the outside looking in, I know I made it looked easy. Because that's what we women do. Make it look easy.
It wasn't. And I knew that. It was one hell of a ride. But I also wasn't unhappy. I was scared. I was busy. I was lonely. I was grief stricken. But that's the roller coaster of life. And I knew that if I didn't let myself feel it all I would go to hell in a handbasket. So I surrendered to it all and accepted it. It's only when you fight against your circumstances that you suffer.
Life is not designed to be easy. How boring would that be? I mean there's only so much beachin' you can do!
Being an adult, making decisions, being responsible for the life of another human being, or just yourself. It's never easy. But all of that shouldn't take away the happiness that is yours and yours alone. Joy and love exists inside you. It has since moment you were born.
And life, in it's magical way, is always trying to point you the way there. Where you're authentic. Where you're whole. Where you move through life like water. Riding the waves fluidly.
Has it been easy post, post retirement? No. I have my hands in so many bits and bobs I'm not sure whether I should wash my hair today, let alone what I'm doing with my life! But I want what everyone wants, to be happy, free, filled with joy and purpose. And I know this for sure, that all of that doesn't come from what's around me. It comes from what's already inside of me.
Take what you need and leave the rest. xo
All my love and appreciation
Laurie-Ell
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